SHERLOCK HOLMES UP TO DATE!

They passed in the course of an hour two dead cows and more than fifty dead chickens. A strong smell of gasoline pervaded the atmosphere, and there were wheel tracks in the dust.

Sherlock Holmes became greatly interested.

"Watson," exclaimed he, after deep thought, "there has been an automobile along here!"

Nottingham Evening Post, 23 Dec 1908

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

HIS CROWNING SORROW

Hairlock Combs (the village barber, talkative as usual): I've noticed, your honour, your whiskers are thicker on the right side than on the left - that's, I take it, because you sleep on that particular side at night?

Customer: What a pity I didn't meet you earlier in my life, my friend. I'd have learnt to sleep on the crown of my head

- London Opinion

Wells Journal, 23 Feb 1905

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

KNEW HIS SEX

The great detective climbed through the kitchen window, followed by his faithful ally.

"Ah," he exclaimed, surveying the surroundings, "I find that his wife is away!"

"And how long has she been away?" asked his ally.

"Exactly thirty days."

"And how on earth are you able to tell that?"

"My dear fellow, by the unwashed dishes and cups and saucers. There are ninety of each in all, which shows that he has used three a day for thirty days, and left them for her to wash when she comes home - same as we all do. Simplest thing in the world, my dear fellow - simplest thing in the world!"

- Pearson's Weekly

Aberdeen Evening Express, 3 Oct 1910

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

By Inference

Sherlock and the faithful Watson were strolling down Piccadilly.

"There's a woman in very short skirts just behind us, my dear doctor," murmured the great detective.

"Marvellous!" enthused Watson, after he had corroborated the statement by a glance behind. "How in the world did you ever know without turning your head?"

"Purely elementary, dear old fellow. I merely observed the faces of the people who are walking towards us."

Yorkshire Evening Post, 9 May 1922

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

"I understand you have a clue to the capture of the arch criminal Slinker?" said the inspector to Homelock Sherles.

"Yes," replied the great detective, "but it was only a very slight one."

"What was it?"

"Merely a man who gave himself up. Said he was Slinker."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. The fellow had no papers to prove he was Slinker, and I wasn't going to take his word, so he had to go."

Whitstable Times and Herne Bay Herald, 5 Aug 1911

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

'There goes a man,' said Mr. Sherlock Holmes, 'who is completely under petticoat government.'

'Of course you know something about the man?' suggested the interested interlocutor.

'Never saw him before in my life,' replied the great detective. 'It is all a part of my art. Perhaps you saw him kick that dog just a moment ago? Well, he spoke in an angry manner to the newsboy at the corner. The inevitable inference is that his wife is a little bit of a woman, and that he is afraid to death of her.'

Lincolnshire Chronicle, 8 Jun 1900

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

Day by Day

"Ah!" said Sherlock Holmes to his partner, Dr Watson, when they met in a busy London thoroughfare. "I see you're wearing woollen underpants."

"How did you guess?" inquired the astonished doctor.

"Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary," replied the great detective. "You've forgotten to put your trousers on."

Dundee Evening Telegraph, 16 Oct, 1941

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

WHO IS SHERLOCK HOLMES?

When a judge is a-judging he is sometimes very oblivious.

In a case at the Law Courts yesterday a witness referred to "following up a clue in the manner of Sherlock Holmes."

"Who is Sherlock Holmes?" inquired Mr Justice Day.

"A person who has been made notorious by Conan Doyle," was the reply.

"Who is he?" continued the judge.

Then counsel came to the rescue. "Sherlock Holmes," he explained, "is the name of a book, my lord."

Sunderland Daily Echo and Shipping Gazette, 11 Aug 1900

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

SHERLOCK UNKNOWN

In the Sheffield County Court a witness stated that some bailiff's men who entered the wrong house were traced by reason of one of them having a wooden leg.

A solicitor remarked jocularly, "I suppose they were traced by Sherlock Holmes?"

"Who?" bluntly asked the witness, in a tone of profound ignorance.

"Sherlock Holmes," was the reply.

"Sherlock Holmes?" the man repeated, and his brow wrinkled in thought. "Sherlock Holmes? No, I'm sure he didn't."

Yorkshire Evening Post, 14 Mar 1908

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

SHERLOCK HOLMES - A NEW ROLE

At one of the Leeds music-halls this week a reference is made to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's famous detective character, Sherlock Holmes. Last evening, during the course of the performance, the following illuminating dialogue between a young lady and her beau was overheard:

"Sherlock Holmes, why, he's a Jew, isn't he?" - "Yes, of course, he is."

"Let me see, I forget now just what he did, What was it? Did he write a book?" - "Don't be foolish. You must know, he discovered America, and died a beggar in a workhouse in New York."

Yorkshire Evening Post, 18 Aug 1909

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

It was an American humorist who said that the only difference between Sherlock Holmes and a Want Ad. was that the Want Ad. found Lost Articles overnight, while Sherlock Holmes took four days to figure out how he was going to start the search.

Dundee Courier, 10 Jun 1926

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

GRAVE AND GAY

Herlock Sholmes took up the subject of the burglary boldly.

"You say," he remarked, "that the thief stole Miss Smartleigh's gloves?"

"Yes," said the lady of the house, "one pair of gloves."

"H'm" mused the famous detective, "it is as I expected. He robbed her right and left."

Sunderland Daily Echo and Shipping Gazette, 4 Oct 1902

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk

 

"Aha!" exclaimed Hurlock Sholmes, as he entered the apartment. "there was a mouse in the room!"

"Your power of scent, Hurlock," commented Woctor Dotson, "is simply marvellous."

"Scent be bothered," said the great detective. "see the heel marks of a woman's shoe on this chair!"

- "London Opinion" to-day

Hull Daily Mail, 3 Jan 1912

found at: www.britishnewspaperarchive.co.uk