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This parody appeared in the Columbia University Missourian in 1909. As far as I am aware it has not been republished since then.

Sherlock Holmes in Columbia

Sherlock Holmes was in Columbia by request of the Women's Council to clear up the snipe-hunt mystery. After glancing through the news accounts of the mystery to see how wrong they were, the great sleuth started for the Hinkson, accompanied by his pipe and Dr Watson.

"The affair took place after dark, say between 10 and 4 o'clock," began the great detective, striding across the golf links. "Do you follow me, Watson?"

"I'm trying to," panted the doctor from the rear, "but you walk too fast."

When they arrived on the hillside, Holmes crawled among the dead leaves for an hour.

"Ah," he exclaimed, "I have it."

"The snipe?" asked the Doctor.

"No, Watson. As usual, you attack the problem by the tail. I have found the candle where it has been thrown by - Hello! Stand perfectly still where you are. I scared you by my abruptness, Watson. You moved four inches."

After examining the candle carefully with his lenses, Holmes turned once more to Watson.

"There was a strong wind blowing that nigh, was there not?"

Watson nodded to keep from moving.

"Very good. excellent, so far. This candle you observe was thrown by a left-handed person. Do you remember, watson, what the average computed distance is that left-handed persons can throw tallow candles at night against a strong wind? Never mind. I looked it up before we started. Thought it would come in handy. Now, watson, move ten steps to the left, and two half-steps backward. Are you stepping on anything?"

"No? O, yes. We forgot the four inches. Take a deep breath. Now what do you feel?"

"By Jove," exclaimed Watson, "if it isn't a sack."

"Exactly," chuckled Holmes, taking it from the Doctor's hands and examining it carefully for an hour. "now, as I understand it, the facts are these: A party of men and women students take the girl upon this hillside to initiate her into a nature fake, snipe hunt. They leave her alone, the young woman becomes frightened -"

"And throws the sack and candle away," added Dr Watson eagerly.

"that is just what she did not do," asserted Holmes. "After she fled, her tormentors returned to destroy the evidence."

"And the guilty one?" queried Watson.

"Is a left-handed person, wearing No. 4 shoes, with a corn on the little toe, a fast walker, and of nervous temperament. w can now turn the case over to the Senate and watch the engineers build aeroplanes."


University Missourian, 17 October, 1909

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